some days, i wonder what
it’s like to not be the
odd girl dining alone
in a restaurant or coffee shop
scribbling notes.
i can feel that tinge
of loneliness in the
cold breeze and bright
city lights.the longing
for something you never had…
to hold hands with someone
while looking up at
the fireworks…
still on my wish list, waiting to be crossed out.
you know that feeling when you want something so bad that the hunger and desire grow more and more each day?
i may not have wanted this as long as others do but that doesn’t mean i want it any less.
i have gone through so much to get to this point, to wanting something. it took a terrible mess for me to find this place but i don’t care. i’m here now. those interminable days of desperately pleading god to help me figure it out, the heart-wrenching pain of wanting to be someone for yourself and the people you love and not knowing how, a life without direction, of quiet desperation…i am over it. i’ve charged it all on experience.
all i have to do is get in.
so help me god.
LAE is a week away.
until then, i am on supressed panic mode.
i have done all the preparation i could do on my own. the rest, i trust in god’s plans.
in the meantime, i am terrified.
4 years after graduation
4 jobs, 3 companies later
i’m done with real world… for now.
i am officially a student again at my beloved university and having first school day jitters at 24.
this is just the first step towards the real thing i’m aiming at.
operation: get into law school is in full swing. 
dear god,
thank you for once again showing me how amazing your wonders are. i am so stupid to ever doubt you. being home with my family, with the people i love the most is such a breath of fresh air. the simplicity and warmth of hugs and dining together and goofing around especially through all these chaotic drama….such simple sweet life pleasures.
thank you for this weekend. i never thought it would turn out like this and you surprised me once again. i am grateful.
photo: yhen1027.wordpress.com
me
1. expectations can complicate things. we do good to other people and expect them to do the same to us. sometimes they don’t. its a grand set-up for disappointment.
2. sometimes we don’t get what we want because god wants something else for us, something better. the BIG MAN knows what he’s doing. trust.
it was one of the most delightful movie experiences ever. i was smiling and tearful from beginning to end. i had goosebumps. we cheered and danced and clapped and screamed and sang and stared in awe – strangers in the dark united by the artistry of one man.
when i shut off, i shut off.
it would take a lot for me to reboot.
when the damage has been done, how are you supposed to respond to it?
i don’t remember a rule telling you to let someone off the hook just because he/she asked you to.
i never understood the hype. seriously, it’s just a word.
—
photo: mikepaulblog.com
i am tired of chasing, trying to fix things.
maybe i was wrong to convince myself i could do this.
maybe i’m not really cut out to take care of someone other than myself.
i can only try so much.
i am done.
today, i am done.
—
photo: desicomments.com
